12 Signs You’re Trying to Save a Relationship That’s Not Worth It

So, you met someone, went on a couple of dates, corresponded every day, and communication begins to develop into something serious. Or you have been together for a long time and feel completely comfortable in a couple. But at some point, your inner voice says: “What if this is not“ the same ”person and the relationship with him is a waste of time?”

The truth is that if the partner is “your”, you know it. And if “not yours”, you also understand everything perfectly, only it is much more difficult to admit it, because then a break awaits you.

Many ignore the inner voice and end up with the wrong person. Because it’s easier than being alone because you “must” love someone or worry that you won’t find anyone else. Maybe the partner meets all expectations, but something is still missing. “It’s not about you, it’s about me” is a common breakup phrase. But sometimes it’s not about you or your partner, it’s about the relationship itself.

Attraction between people is unpredictable, and compatibility (and incompatibility) is far from always predictable. But there are signals that indicate that your partner is probably not “the one” and you are trying to rekindle a non-existent spark.

1. Relationships attract you more than a partner.

If you have long dreamed of having a romance, felt the need to be with someone, or just tired of being alone, you may be more interested in the idea of ​​a relationship than the person next to you.

Think about this. Would you be friends with your partner if you weren’t in a relationship? Would you like to see him next to you if you were bound only by platonic feelings? What if your partner opposed the marriage or lived in another country? Would you stay with him as before or would you switch to someone who is easier with?

If you stay in touch just because it’s convenient or because you don’t want to put up with being alone, chances are you love the relationship, not the partner.

2. You are insecure

Whether there is attraction between you or not – it does not matter. If a person suppresses you, if next to him you need to constantly control yourself, think about every word and action, this is not a real relationship. Even if you feel “chemistry” in this situation, it is “chemistry” between your partner and the “censored” version of your personality.

When a relationship is based solely on your being quieter than the grass, it’s not worth your time.

3. Your relationship does not recover after quarrels.

We all deal with disagreements as a couple in different ways. And either we are waiting for a stormy development of events, as in the movie “Diary of Memory”, when constant conflicts support the spark. Or we believe in an ideal soul mate who always does everything right, and if at least once she makes a mistake or starts a quarrel, it means that somewhere there is a “half” better.

But compatibility and success in a relationship does not depend on whether you are in solidarity with everything or not, but on how you overcome disagreements. No matter how wonderful your partner is, he is not a robot. And both of you will make mistakes, you will have bad days and fights.

Observe how your partner reacts to conflicts. Does he listen to you? Struggling to communicate effectively? Repeating the same mistakes? What is more important for the two of you: to defend your innocence or to maintain a relationship? Or do you have problems with communication, do you hold a grudge against a friend for a long time and feel that any next quarrel threatens to break up?

If your intimacy with your partner weakens with each fight, then it may not be worth it to save the relationship.

4. You show feelings in public more often than in private.

Maybe you think that posting “Look, we’ve been together for a month!” – this is silly. Or maybe, on the contrary, do not hesitate to talk about your happiness to the whole world. In any case, it’s not embarrassing. However, it is necessary to express feelings in private as often as in public.

When there is a spark in a couple, mutual signs of attention are natural manifestations: partners smile, meeting glances from different parts of the room, hold hands under the table, say words of love to each other before going to bed. And instead of defiantly hugging in front of friends or flaunting their passion on social media, they exchange jokes in public, brag about each other’s achievements, or sneak kisses when no one is watching.

If you and your partner show feelings much more often in the presence of other people, it looks like you are trying to prove something to someone, and you do not love sincerely.

5. You hope your partner will change.

If you catch yourself thinking “My boyfriend would be perfect if he…” or “Our relationship with a girl would be great if she…”, then you are trying to create “chemistry”. But artificially created “chemistry” does not live long.

You don’t have to share all of your partner’s beliefs. At the very least, you should understand, respect and appreciate the differences between you. And you don’t have to change a person to love them.

When you are not attracted to your partner and you blame everything on his strange haircut or bad sense of style, you must remember that neither a trendy hairstyle nor a new wardrobe will change anything. Natural physical attraction does not depend on changing factors.

6. You don’t trust your partner

Of course, if you doubt fidelity, this is a very bad sign. The partner who cheats cannot be “the one”.

But trust is not only about that. When the right person is next to you, you listen to his opinion, appreciate his contribution, do not doubt his honesty and decency. He calls you when he promises, and you feel safe when he is away.

“Chemistry” between people depends on mutual physical attraction, but the inner connection with a partner that you feel at a distance is also important.

7. You have to pretend to be interested.

Most likely, you and your partner have different interests. And that’s fine, because dating your own copy would be terribly boring. You may not be too interested in your partner’s hobbies, but it doesn’t hurt to learn more about them if they mean a lot to him, and you want to share with him what is important to him.

On the other hand, you shouldn’t pretend to like listening to musicals in the car, or hesitate to start a conversation about fashion trends because your interlocutor doesn’t care.

The partner should be interested in what you love and talk about what excites you. If his gaze wanders while you tell how your day went, or you don’t feel like asking him about a hobby, there is hardly a spark between you.

8. You can imagine life with a partner, but it doesn’t excite you.

If you have a good idea of ​​\u200b\u200blife together with a person, this does not mean that he is right for you. Think about what your relationship could be like when you share a home and family, when you grow old together. And then ask yourself what inspires you more: the fantasy itself or the prospect of making it a reality with this particular person?

When you realize that you want to spend the rest of your life with a partner, you can’t wait to start the countdown as soon as possible. Because that thought really makes you happy. When you love a person, you look forward to each next stage with pleasure and see your couple absolutely happy at 80 years old. And when you’re trying to artificially spur a relationship, you’re much more excited about certain events, such as a wedding or the birth of a child. To imagine only yourself and your partner in 50 years is a very difficult task if you are not in love.

9. You are not friends with your partner

If you don’t laugh, joke, or even enjoy unromantic moments together, like cleaning or walking the dog, your spark is just an illusion. It may be based on physical attraction or the novelty of the relationship, but this is not a strong connection.

The best friendship is the one that allows you to fool around and make you laugh. If you want to spend the rest of your life with someone, they must be your best friend and bring out the frivolous side of you. Then he will definitely inspire you in the most difficult, boring and routine moments. Here it is, the same spark.

10. You only feel good around your partner in certain situations.

For example, you love spending time with the relatives of a loved one, but try not to bring him into your family because he does not fit into it. Or you enjoy the company of a partner during dates, but can not stand it when you are lounging at home on weekends.

Instead of focusing on moments when you feel good, focus on moments when you feel bad. Love is uncomfortable. It is caring for someone, even when it is not easy. If in one situation your feelings are strong, and in another they disappear, you live in an illusion that depends on external conditions.

11. You don’t feel safe.

We often confuse the spark with other feelings such as comfort, addiction, or passion. To distinguish healthy love from everything else, its constant companions help: respect, trust and affection. When you are obsessed and dependent on your partner, you focus on getting high in any way you can.

The difference between “comfort love” and “love for comfort” is the feeling of security. In the first case, you trust a person no matter what, in the second, you feel out of place when he is not around, because you do not believe either in your partner or in your relationship with him. Understand and do not confuse love with anything else.

12. You and your partner are not on the same wavelength.

“Chemistry” is just about being on the same wavelength: in humor, values, intimate moments and what you want from a relationship. If there is a spark – something special that will not go out with time and will remain even after the novelty has passed, you do not doubt it, you both know it for sure.

There is nothing artificial about being in a relationship with someone worth spending time with. Even when things are hard, loving each other is easy. Therefore, if something seems wrong or unnatural to you, listen to yourself. Most likely you are right.