Author: Svetlana Belous
Don’t hit the piggy bank!
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For any sneeze, run to the doctor and periodically look for the most terrible diagnoses in yourself – this is how hypochondriacs live. From the outside, this is not perceived as a serious problem: well, a person is examined often, why is it bad? But true hypochondria has nothing to do with health care and can seriously poison life. Ekaterina had already spent a lot of money on examinations and turned to a psychotherapist for help. Elena’s father, on the contrary, does not want to go to the doctors, while bothering his relatives with endless health complaints. We recorded two monologues about living with an unusual disorder.
Ekaterina: “This is a disorder that eats you from the inside”
– For the first time hypochondria manifested itself when I was 13 years old. I fell ill with purulent tonsillitis and did not sleep well at night, I watched TV. Discovery showed a program about the most terrible diseases of the 21st century and talked about HIV. In horror, I found all the symptoms in myself, and then I began to have a wild hysteria. My parents even had to call an ambulance to give me a sedative injection.
When I recovered, I went to take tests for HIV and syphilis. Of course, the results were negative (which is understandable, because I did not have a sexual life). It calmed me down, and I just tried not to watch such films anymore.
Everything was fine until the moment when I entered the university for a specialty related to psychology. One of our subjects was human anatomy. Naturally, we studied various diseases, and this launched a new round of my hypochondria. Then I underwent a complete examination of the body – the tests were perfect. I let it go again for a while.
A few years ago, my dog suddenly became ill. She had a specific attack right in my arms, although nothing foreshadowed trouble. I was so frightened that I vomited from stress for about an hour. I was afraid that the dog would die like that abruptly, quite suddenly.
It became scary that something like this would happen to me or my loved ones someday.
As a result, everything worked out with the dog: we found doctors who quickly made a diagnosis. But then my long-standing hypochondria aggravated … As soon as I hear or read that someone has been diagnosed with a serious illness or (horror!) someone has died, that’s it! I begin to intensively search the Internet for information about these diseases, find symptoms in myself, make an appointment with doctors and take a bunch of tests.
Any cold or minimal allergy becomes a reason for a detailed examination. I start having problems with sleep, tantrums and quarrels with my husband… I live in constant stress and fear, my nervous system is tense.
A lot of money has already been spent on private clinics. I usually start with a consultation with a therapist (on average, an appointment costs 40 rubles), then I definitely take tests in private laboratories (50-150 rubles a month), and do all the prescribed ultrasounds.
I regularly visit a therapist once a month, a gynecologist a little less often, every month I pass a general blood test and biochemistry. I look at the indicators for ferritin, vitamin D and so on. If somewhere there is a deviation from the norm, I go to the doctor again. I can interpret the results myself.
How often do you take tests?
“My biggest fear is getting cancer.”
This winter was the worst situation ever. I had a scheduled examination at the gynecologist, and the doctor saw something was wrong on the ultrasound. As required by protocol, she sent me to be tested for tumor markers. Hearing this word, I was numb with horror …
For two weeks I tried to recover myself so that I could go and take a blood test. Almost completely dropped out of life. She could not sleep, could not eat, sobbed constantly and practically did not leave the house. It seems that I found all the symptoms of cancer in my head and buried myself in absentia. My husband was shocked! He didn’t know what to do with me. At first he felt sorry for me, then he screamed, trying to bring me to my senses, then again he felt sorry for me and tried to talk.
But it was all useless! Hypochondria eats you from the inside – obsessive and terrible thoughts.
I am a psychologist by training and I understand perfectly well what is happening to me, because I help other people cope with problems. But I can’t help myself – it turns out that I’m a shoemaker without boots … I periodically go to a psychotherapist who diagnosed me with an anxiety disorder and panic attacks.
When I realize that I can no longer cope on my own, I take antidepressants. Usually this is once a year for two months. Medicines help well, but not immediately, but after a couple of weeks, because they have a cumulative effect. I drink a course, then stop and wait for the next attack.
The worst thing is that now my hypochondria has spread to loved ones. It is impossible to “treat” my husband: he sharply put me in my place. But parents and grandfather are easier to influence me. It gets to the point that I go with them to the clinic to listen to the answers of the doctors and calm down. But I notice that recently they are less likely to tell me about their illnesses. Apparently, they understand that I take it too sharply, and they try to take care of me.
I noticed that most often hypochondria attacks occur against the background of stress or some strong feelings, for example, after a quarrel with loved ones or against the background of severe fatigue, when the nerves are at the limit. I try to fight it, think positively, but I don’t always succeed.
Elena: “The pressure has risen a little – the father believes that death has come for him”
– My dad is a hypochondriac, but he doesn’t go to the doctors, he just whines endlessly and comes up with strange diagnoses for himself. For example, he believes that he is allergic “to red” – and food has nothing to do with it. He may have a “red jersey” or “red mug” reaction. Sometimes it makes me laugh, but most of the time it’s annoying.
My father will be 70 this year. He has suffered from high blood pressure since he was young. Mom was always very worried, revolved around him. My sister and I also joined. The pressure rose a little – the father said: “Death has come for me.”
On the one hand, for the father, this is a way of manipulation so that they pay attention to him. On the other hand, he is really very suspicious, almost something is wrong – he begins to look for diseases and panics. Up to the point that he does not sleep at night and thinks about what hurts him.
Although it would be strange if, at the age of 70, nothing bothered a person.
The main occupation in retirement is just to lie and whine about how hard it is for him. Five times a day, it can remind us of high blood pressure and low heart rate. If the device shows that everything is OK, then this is a failure, the tonometer is broken. From time to time we hear that he has “a noise in his head”, “his hand does not hold objects well”, “his hair itches”, and “nails hurt” (there was once a fungus, but he treated it).
Even in the head of the father there is a wen measuring 1 centimeter. It does not affect life in any way, but dad is convinced that there is a “tumor in the brain that cannot be cut out.” Because of her, he allegedly cannot speak on a mobile phone (“hit in the ears”). And so every day – one thing, then another.
What is interesting: if you invite your father to go to the country, in a couple of minutes he will get into the car with good health. He also loves hunting and fishing very much – and then he can walk at a fast pace from a dozen kilometers. But most often he is busy thinking about his health.
We believe that dad is bad. But if a person has a headache, he usually takes a pill and silently lies down to recover. For some reason, our father is sure that the pills will not help him and the doctors cannot do anything. He does not go to the clinic. He complains about long queues and firmly believes that abroad he would have been cured with just a glance.
Living with a hypochondriac, as you know, is not easy, but my mother has learned to somehow ignore complaints and adapt to the situation. For example, dad is convinced that you can’t eat “store-bought eggs” (“they contain allergens and pesticides”), and does not even wonder where we have village eggs in our refrigerator. And mom just washes off the stamps from the store.
My sister and I most often try to reduce everything to humor and joke: “Your hair hurts again.” Although in fact this is a big problem: it is difficult to be with such a person for more than three days.
The other day, my father underwent a fearless operation, everything went well. But my sister and I are waiting for time before we go to him. If you visit immediately, the head will become square from the number of complaints in half an hour.
Why did dad become like this? I think this problem comes from childhood. There were many children in the family, naturally, there was not enough attention for everyone, and the one who got sick received it. Since then, the father and his relatives have been competing with each other who is sicker. And our family suffers as a result.
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